today is uncomfortably warm and i am restless. scratch that. it has been happening for a while now. i am restless with thoughts - things to do but somehow never got around to it, and words i want to say bit somehow, never got around to saying. mental pulses whizz about when i am not actually trying to organise them into paragraphs. they altogether disappear when i am here.

it could be the time of the month. but i also could have been using the same excuse for far too long. too much recurring feelings and thoughts, even if at intervals, seem too real to be discounted as just a pms syndrome. ..or could it be hormonal changes seek to surface the most pressing concern we usually try to bury deep within so we dont have to mull over it at least 3 weeks of the month? that would be depressing.

as usual, i am not comfortable sharing everything here, even if noone is reading. i am very much afraid of looking at past entries and wanting to go back in time and silence the 'too-much-info-generating' version of myself when i have moved back into the 'not-think-too-much' state of mind. yes, i have always been told i think too much. but why not? why can't i? why should i feel what you refer as 'thinking-too-much' is entirely my own imaginings and based on nothing but the fiction i cooked up in my head? each time, i want to express something.. anything.., this 'accusation' holds me back. because i convince myself that probably i AM thinking-too-much. this is bad. you no longer know what i think and i no longer know what you really think. but then, everything is so serene and pleasant, i have no wish to ruin any of it.

that, above, dear me, sounds just a lil kooky.
restless, and that is why i am here. untangling my jumbled up thoughts. and feeling morose that i could not have picked up the phone and told you so. but then again, i would be grateful that i was wise enough to avoid yet another petty argument about my thinking-too-much. l.o.l

unto my second job, one month in. cant figure out what to think of it yet. ill be back when i do.